1 hour ago
Even though my parents weren’t “meant to be” the way some couples are ~*meant to be*~, their divorce still came as a shock to me. I was one of the last people to find out; my extended family knew before I did & it was just this weird time in my life where I was fucking angry at everyone, even though I knew in my core, we would all be better off.
Over the years, my relationship with my mom has fluctuated a lot, but my relationship with my dad has grown steadily stronger. Even though we are across the country from each other, we have weekly hour-goddamn-long phone dates every single week where we laugh & talk about travel & art & politics & food & our work. He texts me pictures of pretty sunrises & I send him pictures of the cakes I bake. He asked for mine & Sebastian’s feedback on an article he had published on queer rights. He threw an engagement party for me & Sebastian where he delivered an outrageous, metaphor-laden speech detailing how Sebastian has been my lighthouse. He makes a point to do the actual work of an ally: listening to our stories, changing his problematic language, supporting foundations that support LGBTQ+ rights, etc.
I’d’ve never guessed that my father & I would have what we do. I never knew he would not only love & accept me for who I am, but that he would be an active participant in the circle of people that enrich my life.
He always encouraged me in my theatrical/artsy-fartsy pursuits, but he also wanted a son who was an Eagle Scout, a son who enjoyed sports, a son who would have a wife & kids & carry on the family legacy. I don’t think, almost three decades ago, he would have been okay with having a gay son. But this man has watched me grow, & he has truly grown alongside me.
I know there are queer people who have been kicked out or cast aside by their parents & don’t have a father to celebrate today. I know there are people who don’t have strong relationships with their fathers, or who never knew their fathers, & whose mothers had to do it all. I am grateful today—& every day—for a father who loves & supports & understands me, & who makes every effort not just to be my dad, but to be my friend. 🌈